Why I don't always write.

Okay, I go through spurts of inspiration to post on my blog. The same was true for my journals I kept up with in high school and college. Lately, that motivation hasn't been there. It seems that I must have something very profound to say in order to post. For better or worse, I am a creature made by God that likes to jump head first into the deep matters of the heart, of life, of eternity. That being said, making my abode in the deep for long periods of time is hard. So I find myself washed up on shore, then aware of how fun the shallows can be, no fear of large sea creatures or of drowning, I frolic around on the surface. So I indulge myself. I take life easy. I move from one moment to the next, from one event to the next, from one moment of entertainment to the next. Then dawn of something bigger falls upon my face again, and I realize the promise of the shallows literally don't hold enough water for me; I vaguely hear the larger waves off shore crash and I am enticed. I remember the ocean of life is bigger than the shore, in fact most of life is out in the ocean. I dive into the next wave headfirst, eager to head out into the depths. Where life is uncharted. Where God can use me, rather than me clinging to the habits of comfort that keep me in shallow waters. Faith and depth is being where you cannot touch the ground. Faith and depth is praying to my creator each day, and in every moment of the day. Faith and depth is opening scripture to have His word impact me, unravel me and enrapture me all at once. Faith and Depth is letting go of all that I cling to in the shallows and letting God chart my course in the depths where life may seem more dangerous but is so much richer!

This is what I hope to capture with my words. This is what I hope to post with each post. But I know I cannot come close to capturing that piece of eternity, that depth, that is in my heart. And knowing the state of my being, the state of my heart, Paul's words in Romans ring so true...For the creation was subjected to frustration...in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. Romans 8:21-23

I may never be able to quite capture that depth. That essence of eternal inside me. But I thank the Lord for giving me something bigger than myself to cling to. I thank him for coming to my rescue. I thank him for giving me his Son.