Letters from a Nut

What lies below is a real letter written to a real company. The letter is outlandish, funny, sarcastic and meant to provoke a response. The author of this letter is using a psuedo name to protect his identity.
(I'm almost positive the author of this book of letters is none other than Jerry Seinfeld, who I've seen in person.)
The author has put together a pretty funny book of his crazy letters and called it "Letters from a Nut" by Ted L Nancy.

What follows is one such letter and response:

Dear Nordstrom Deptarment Stores,

I am a regular shopper at your Nordstorms stores in Glendale. In the last few weeks I have noticed that a new mannequin you have out in the store looks just like my deceased neighbor. I have passed mannequin from many directions and the resemblance is uncanny. In every way - nose, cheekbones, hair, etc. Look at it from any angle. It looks like the neighbor I was friendly with. Even the clothes that the mannequin was wearing was the kind of lightweight windbreaker jacket my neighbor would wear. It is UNBELIEVABLE that this mannequin looks so much like my neighbor.

Is it possible to buy this mannequin (after its use) so I may present it to my neighbor's family? They would think this would be a VERY sentimental gesture. I think his co-workers would also like to have him remembered, so having him "there" would be good, theraputic behavior for all.

I was told to write to your stores HEADQUARTERS OFFICE afterI inquired about buying this mannequin to the sales lady (Very, courteous, I might add.) She suggested that only the stores main office could assist me in this purchase. But she was very helpful with my socks purchase.

Thank you, Nordstrom, for being a store that cares about its customers. I am a long time shopper. I keep lots of things in your Nordstrom bags. Fishing gear, etc. I have a garage full of Nordstrom bags full of old shoes, wire hangers, etc. Thats how I know I've been to your store so much. Let me know about the mannequin. This family is in some need of good loving. This will help!

Sincerely,
Ted L. Nancy


Nordstrom's response Letter:

Dear Mr. Nancy:

Yours is one of the most interesting requests I have ever received. Candidly, I can't imagine any family who has lost a loved one wanting to see a mannequin that resembles that person.

Of course, we want to respond to our customers as positively as possible, but we definately do not sell display materials while they are being used by the company. I see no reason why (when it comes time for a change of mannequins) that we wouldnt sell it to you at the same price we would get from our normal resources.

If you should be interested in that, simply talk to our store manager there at Glendale, Diane Kantor, and she will let you know when the time comes. Unfortunately, mannequins are used for a number of years before they are phased out.

Sincerely
Bruce Nordstrom